What Lies Beneath

January 23, 1897
Edith Bowen

Although the days remain cool and there remain countless storms on the horizon, I feel we left winter back on the road to Primrose. It is impossible to walk through the halls of Carrington Manor without being affected by the hopeful energy surrounding all the girls. Even Mrs Carrington appears to be possessed by our new found energy. I have not forgotten the threats or dangers upon us, but right here, right now I am confident we will meet them and prevail above them.

From the outside, everything must seem as normal. The girls go about their business from Primose Hall to the library, to Carrington Manor. They spend their time studying the lessons they wish to learn and performing the chores they wish they left behind. It is just how things have always been.

But, It is only an illusion as thin as winters ice on a thawing pond in the early days of spring.

The irony is not lost on me. Only now, in my final months at Primrose, I understand the significance of the journey I have taken. When i first arrived I thought my life was over, but with time and perspective I can see now that was the day it began. Where I will go from here I do not know, but part of me will always remain etched in the history these walls surely hold.

I must remind myself, while the future is promising, the burdens of today remain. There are questions to be asked and answered by friends and foes alike. I was not always so bold, but more then the seasons have changed in my time at Primrose. where once I might have stood silence I can no longer hold my tongue.

I had the good sense to wait until we were alone. The classroom felt oddly cold as though the walls themselves knew are confrontation was as unavoidable as are flaring tempers.

"Was there something you needed Miss Bowen?" Mr Stark said.

"Did you know?" I asked

I tried to keep the accusation out of my tongue. If the look on Mr Stark's face was any indication, I failed.

"Know what?"

"Do not dare to play dumb with me."

"If you have something to say, then say it."

"Did you think you would never see me again? Is that why you invited me to your home?"

"Why do you ask questions when you have already decided on their answers?"

"Do not presume to know my thoughts."

"If they where not written on your face, I would not. "

"Then tell me I am wrong. Tell me you didn't know."

"The truth is not so simple. I did know and yes, I sent you to your fate anyway."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to flee from the room. There was no longer any place to hide from what I know to be true. His steady voice held no remorse nor did his words offer any excuse. I had prepared myself for anything but I had not expected this. There was only one thing left to say, only one question left to ask.

"Why?" I asked.

"Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

"Because those girls needed you more then I."